3 Reasons Why Conan the Barbarian Might Suck

Tomorrow I’m going to go and see Conan the Barbarian starring Jason Momoa, so I have been desperately trying to avoid spoilers of any kind because I don’t want to go into the movie with any preconceived notions. Spoilage is everywhere and it has been very hard not to take a sneak peek at any of the reviews that are being posted like wildfire online. Maybe I wouldn’t care so much if I didn’t have such high hopes for this movie, which is for me the last film of the summer.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t looking forward to this movie. And despite some extremely unflattering pics (not these ones BTW), I am still willing to give Momoa the benefit of the doubt as far as this movie goes. But I was totally looking forward to Green Lantern too in a big way and I am sad to say that I was disappointed in a big way. So what is the worst that can happen with this Conan reboot? Well, it could suck. Here are 3 reasons why.

1. Jason Momoa – There. I said it. I liked him on Stargate Atlantis and I really liked him in Game of Thrones. He is the epitome of a healthy barbarian. Unfortunately for Momoa the role of the iconic Conan the Barbarian has some pretty huge boots, and those are some pretty huge boots to fill. I’m afraid I might be helpless not to compare him to Arnold who I idolized as a teenager. I have to give Momoa credit though for taking this role knowing exactly what and who he is up against. Can he carry a movie with so much expectation attached to it? Will he disappoint? Or will he swing a sword like it’s nobody’s business?
2. Rose McGowan – Not much to say here.
3. The Story – The screenplay is written by Thomas Dean Donnelly (Sahara), Joshua Oppenheimer (Sahara) and Sean Hood (Halloween: Resurrection). I am in no way saying that they are bad writers. I’m just worried that the story is too completely re-imagined and doesn’t strictly adhere to the original flick’s storyline in ways that matter. I’m worried that my psyche will balk at the new mythology and want strict deference to the old lore. Though they do include some adherence to certain details from the original film and Conan character I’m wondering if that will be enough of the old in the new?

Yet me being the eternal optimist that I am, I want to look at this glass as being half full. So I’ve also thought of 3 reasons why this new version of Conan the Barbarian could rock too.

1. Jason Momoa – He has very big muscles, looks mean as heck, and looks like he can wield a sword like nobody’s business. His scowl alone has me shaking in my boots and he could give Arnold a good run for his money and effectively replace Schwarzenegger in our collective conscious as the archetypal legendary barbarian from here on in.
2. The Effects – CG and the magic of special effects have come a loooong way since the 80’s. I’m betting there will be some pretty amazing, stylish and knock your socks off effects.
3. The Story – Deviating from the original mythology definitely gives the writers room to go big or go home. Freedom to imagine new heights of barbarian glory, battles and colossal awesomeness could be a very, very good thing. Including enough homage to the original film as long as any tributes are strategically placed (think Rise of the Planet of the Apes, my favorite film of the summer, where they did this very skilfully) could only appease fans of the old film and give this new film a well deserved place next to the original.

I’m not usually pessimistic, but I’m afraid that Arnold’s Conan is too well embedded in my mind and that I most likely will be comparing Momoa to Arnie the whole time. I will try my hardest not to though and hopefully I can go into this movie tomorrow completely tabula rasa. Here’s hoping.

So what do you think? Do you think this new version of Conan the Barbarian will suck? What are your reasons? Or do you think and hope like me that it will rock?

Warning! The Red Band Clip is graphic!

Synopsis: The tale of Conan the Cimmerian and his adventures across the continent of Hyboria on a quest to avenge the murder of his father and the slaughter of his village.

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